Over the course of the last few years, I shied away from looking for someone to be my soul mate. I had goals; finish college, buy a house, do whatever I want. In a sense be a little selfish for a bit. I graduated a year ago next week. Wow! Time flies when you are having fun. Looked all over the place for a house and couldn't find one. Decided to do online dating to look for a soul mate. Oh my goodness! I found one...and a house! Ha...exciting.
I had spent my whole life waiting to find this soul mate. Someone who loved me for me. Told me I was beautiful. Said that I was their rock and made them feel at ease. How they couldn't wait for our future together. That they have never felt something like this in their life before. It was perfect. I had never been happier, more complete, more loved, more at peace, more joy than in those three months. Until tonight.
I love this man with all of my soul. He was so good to my heart. He was so good to it, that he let it go. Tonight I am more at peace, more complete, more loved, more happy than I was a month ago. I finally let go.
An old Suzy Boggus song says, "Letting go. There's nothing in her way now. Letting go. There's room enough to fly. And even though, she spent her whole life waiting. It's never easy. Letting go." I spent my whole life waiting for the fairy tale I had just a few months ago. Tonight the prince couldn't tell this princess what she needed to hear. Whether it was to be a friend or to be more. The princess had to do the hardest thing ever; say "I love you" one last time. The prince stated he knew that. And the princess had to say "goodbye".
This princess has spent her whole life waiting. Waiting for someone to pick her up off her feet. And even though, I will spend my whole life waiting...it's never easy; letting go.
Peace be with you. Not as the world giveth you as I give. Let not your heart be troubled nor let be afraid. God Bless You All-even my fairy tale prince.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Motivation and Self Sabotage
It has been quite sometime since I have made a post. And this time I haven't had the promptings of my brother or sister to do so. This time it is me. I have had the prompting for a while, but as you can see, a lack of motivation.
What exactly is motivation? Where does it come from? How does one acquire it? I could go to dictionary.com and find a definition. I could search the web for quotes. I could even ask everyone around me how to get it. The problem with that is motivation is different for everyone. What may spark my motivation, may not spark yours; and vice versa.
A year ago I had the motivation to lose weight. I had a goal in mid so I didn't have to pay a higher insurance rate. The goal was halted because of an injury. I have come to the conclusion that when my motivation becomes too intense, my body breaks down.
A year and a half ago, I had the motivation to get my bachelors degree completed. So far, that motivation has been doing just fine for me. If I continue to do well, then I will graduate in April of 2013.
Lately, my motivation has been lost. I have had a sense of defeat. It is self sabotage. I am all too familiar with this cozy little place of self sabotage. I have been there many times. Yet, I always seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel and pull myself up. I think it has been a comfortable place for me to go when I feel trapped or extremely overwhelmed. They know me there; I have a place saved.
Today I have realized a lot of things. First of all, I live in a rut. Everything I do is rote. It is time to change things up and do a different plan of attack. Second, I need to make a plan. Third, I need to live that plan. Fourth, I need to be accountable to someone besides myself. Fifth, I need to branch out and make myself more vulnerable. I need to try new things, experience life and not feel bad if I don't succeed. Sixth, I need to put those that matter most in my life, first in my life. Time to get back to that which makes me whole.
By this, I mean my God, my family, and myself. It is time to manage out the things that don't make me feel good. I carry way too much stress to make my life content. I want to be content and happy. Time to become motivated and kick self sabotage to the curb.
Friends, there is a higher power. We may call it something different. But I know you all believe in something more divine than ourselves. Right now, I seek that higher power. In order to become motivated, I will need that higher power's intervention.
Here's my question for you. What can you do today to be come motivated to improve yourself and kick self sabotage to the curb? Aren't you worth it? I know I am; and so are you. My challenge to you it to look deep into your soul, find your worth and let loose the demons. You are beautiful, friends. Let your light so shine so that others may see.
Much love to you all.
What exactly is motivation? Where does it come from? How does one acquire it? I could go to dictionary.com and find a definition. I could search the web for quotes. I could even ask everyone around me how to get it. The problem with that is motivation is different for everyone. What may spark my motivation, may not spark yours; and vice versa.
A year ago I had the motivation to lose weight. I had a goal in mid so I didn't have to pay a higher insurance rate. The goal was halted because of an injury. I have come to the conclusion that when my motivation becomes too intense, my body breaks down.
A year and a half ago, I had the motivation to get my bachelors degree completed. So far, that motivation has been doing just fine for me. If I continue to do well, then I will graduate in April of 2013.
Lately, my motivation has been lost. I have had a sense of defeat. It is self sabotage. I am all too familiar with this cozy little place of self sabotage. I have been there many times. Yet, I always seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel and pull myself up. I think it has been a comfortable place for me to go when I feel trapped or extremely overwhelmed. They know me there; I have a place saved.
Today I have realized a lot of things. First of all, I live in a rut. Everything I do is rote. It is time to change things up and do a different plan of attack. Second, I need to make a plan. Third, I need to live that plan. Fourth, I need to be accountable to someone besides myself. Fifth, I need to branch out and make myself more vulnerable. I need to try new things, experience life and not feel bad if I don't succeed. Sixth, I need to put those that matter most in my life, first in my life. Time to get back to that which makes me whole.
By this, I mean my God, my family, and myself. It is time to manage out the things that don't make me feel good. I carry way too much stress to make my life content. I want to be content and happy. Time to become motivated and kick self sabotage to the curb.
Friends, there is a higher power. We may call it something different. But I know you all believe in something more divine than ourselves. Right now, I seek that higher power. In order to become motivated, I will need that higher power's intervention.
Here's my question for you. What can you do today to be come motivated to improve yourself and kick self sabotage to the curb? Aren't you worth it? I know I am; and so are you. My challenge to you it to look deep into your soul, find your worth and let loose the demons. You are beautiful, friends. Let your light so shine so that others may see.
Much love to you all.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Somewhere along the way, they fell in love...
A friend had said to me that when she first met her husband, she didn't find him "attractive". He was nice. It was around the third date that she said that he really started to grow on her. She said that somewhere along the way, they fell in love. This really got me thinking. Could this happen to me?
The story goes that she met him years ago. She said there was an attraction to him in the beginning, but she hid it. She realized he only wanted to be her friend. She actually was seeing someone in another state anyways so that made it easy for her to brush off the feelings.
Life happens. Change occurs. She was dumped by her boyfriend and spun a little bit out of control. He was there to lift her up and help her on her merry way. Time went on. They became closer friends. The attraction thing happened again and she was shut out from his life for a short period of time. It killed both of them. They knew too much about the other to not be friends. Time heals all wounds. Together again.
Another year goes by and the friendship blooms. No more edginess between them. Just two people who could not be separated from each other. It was like they were twins. You could not have one without the other.
Another year goes by. Now they seem as one. Just looking at them you can see the friendship. You can see the love. The way they look at each other when the other isn't looking. The way they just look at each other and laugh for no reason at all. The way he says the simplest "I am sorry that happened to you" so sweetly. The way her eyes sparkle when he walks in a room. The way he stares at her smile when she's not looking. The way she makes silly faces behind his back and he catches her. There isn't a reason they shouldn't be together. They know each other perfectly.
Somewhere along the way they fell in love. They both know it. Now, how are they going to show it?
The story goes that she met him years ago. She said there was an attraction to him in the beginning, but she hid it. She realized he only wanted to be her friend. She actually was seeing someone in another state anyways so that made it easy for her to brush off the feelings.
Life happens. Change occurs. She was dumped by her boyfriend and spun a little bit out of control. He was there to lift her up and help her on her merry way. Time went on. They became closer friends. The attraction thing happened again and she was shut out from his life for a short period of time. It killed both of them. They knew too much about the other to not be friends. Time heals all wounds. Together again.
Another year goes by and the friendship blooms. No more edginess between them. Just two people who could not be separated from each other. It was like they were twins. You could not have one without the other.
Another year goes by. Now they seem as one. Just looking at them you can see the friendship. You can see the love. The way they look at each other when the other isn't looking. The way they just look at each other and laugh for no reason at all. The way he says the simplest "I am sorry that happened to you" so sweetly. The way her eyes sparkle when he walks in a room. The way he stares at her smile when she's not looking. The way she makes silly faces behind his back and he catches her. There isn't a reason they shouldn't be together. They know each other perfectly.
Somewhere along the way they fell in love. They both know it. Now, how are they going to show it?
To my Sister, with love
I have planned a chapter in my book to be about my sister. For those of you who know me, you know that my sister is one of my heroes. I love her SO very much. She is an inspiration to me. And tonight she reminded me that I haven't written in quite a while. So I figured it was time to write her chapter.
I met my sister for the first time when she was 8 years old. Her parents had been separated and her dad met my mom while on a job in Nevada. Our meeting was a little bitter sweet. It was Christmas time. Her life was in turmoil because of the recent separation of her parents. I was excited to meet them, but had been an only child for 11 years that I wasn't so sure about sharing my mom or my things. Let me tell you she wasn't so sure about sharing her dad or her things either.
Things happened and our parents went their separate ways. It wasn't until I was a junior in high school that I got to meet her again. This time we were a lot older and the same feelings stood in our way. She thought I was perfect. I thought she was spoiled. Neither one of us got along too well. We had our ups and downs as sisters do, but it was hard for her having two women come in her home and she had to share her dad, her brothers, her family, everyone with just the two of us.
To make a long story short, we eventually grew to love each other. In fact, we always loved each other, we just had to learn to let things go that didn't matter. It wasn't until she had Sydney, that we really started to grow closer. It is amazing how a sweet little girl coming into your life unexpectedly changes things. As my sister had her other two kids, Nathan and Sheila, I was there for their births. After my divorce from Harley, I spent more and more time with her and her family. Now, we see each other as often as we can. Some weeks daily.
I love my sister. She is an inspiration to me because she has never given up. She is a fighter. She is stubborn. She is my best friend. She is my sister.
Memories I share with my sister: making strawberry daiquiris and going to church softball, her purple overall shorts, getting our wisdom teeth out together, when she got married to Mike and was eating white chocolate covered Oreos, when Nathan was born, when Sheila was born, camping trips, trips to Montana, being there every time she ever puked after drinking, taking her to the ER for her knee, countless BBQ's, many nights crying my eyes out over stupid boys, sharing my patriarchal blessing with her, and who know what else is to come.
Tonight when she returned, I once again cried my eyes out to her about a "stupid boy". I say stupid because he just doesn't realize what is there. I cried as she spoke so lovingly to me. She spoke to me about faith and my patriarchal blessing. She reminded me of the time when we sat on the floor in our room and I read it to her. Talk about divine intervention. This is why she is my sister. She loves me. She knows who I am with all my faults and still loves me. She supports me in my endeavours. She helps me laugh at my fears. She kicks me in the butt when I need that extra push. Did I say that she loves? I think that is what makes her the best sister in the world. Besides being a great wife, mother, and daughter. She knows the desires of my heart are true and wants me to be happy.
My sister, Mandy Johnson, is a kind, caring, compassionate, loving, bold, respectable, gracious, giving, amazing woman who I am honored to have in my life. I love her with all my heart. Thank you sister for loving me. You truly are my inspiration.
I met my sister for the first time when she was 8 years old. Her parents had been separated and her dad met my mom while on a job in Nevada. Our meeting was a little bitter sweet. It was Christmas time. Her life was in turmoil because of the recent separation of her parents. I was excited to meet them, but had been an only child for 11 years that I wasn't so sure about sharing my mom or my things. Let me tell you she wasn't so sure about sharing her dad or her things either.
Things happened and our parents went their separate ways. It wasn't until I was a junior in high school that I got to meet her again. This time we were a lot older and the same feelings stood in our way. She thought I was perfect. I thought she was spoiled. Neither one of us got along too well. We had our ups and downs as sisters do, but it was hard for her having two women come in her home and she had to share her dad, her brothers, her family, everyone with just the two of us.
To make a long story short, we eventually grew to love each other. In fact, we always loved each other, we just had to learn to let things go that didn't matter. It wasn't until she had Sydney, that we really started to grow closer. It is amazing how a sweet little girl coming into your life unexpectedly changes things. As my sister had her other two kids, Nathan and Sheila, I was there for their births. After my divorce from Harley, I spent more and more time with her and her family. Now, we see each other as often as we can. Some weeks daily.
I love my sister. She is an inspiration to me because she has never given up. She is a fighter. She is stubborn. She is my best friend. She is my sister.
Memories I share with my sister: making strawberry daiquiris and going to church softball, her purple overall shorts, getting our wisdom teeth out together, when she got married to Mike and was eating white chocolate covered Oreos, when Nathan was born, when Sheila was born, camping trips, trips to Montana, being there every time she ever puked after drinking, taking her to the ER for her knee, countless BBQ's, many nights crying my eyes out over stupid boys, sharing my patriarchal blessing with her, and who know what else is to come.
Tonight when she returned, I once again cried my eyes out to her about a "stupid boy". I say stupid because he just doesn't realize what is there. I cried as she spoke so lovingly to me. She spoke to me about faith and my patriarchal blessing. She reminded me of the time when we sat on the floor in our room and I read it to her. Talk about divine intervention. This is why she is my sister. She loves me. She knows who I am with all my faults and still loves me. She supports me in my endeavours. She helps me laugh at my fears. She kicks me in the butt when I need that extra push. Did I say that she loves? I think that is what makes her the best sister in the world. Besides being a great wife, mother, and daughter. She knows the desires of my heart are true and wants me to be happy.
My sister, Mandy Johnson, is a kind, caring, compassionate, loving, bold, respectable, gracious, giving, amazing woman who I am honored to have in my life. I love her with all my heart. Thank you sister for loving me. You truly are my inspiration.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
A Love Lost, A Love Gained
I have had quite a last couple of months. Lost a love, gave birth to kidney stones and have been trying to heal emotionally and physically ever since. Those of you who know me well, have probably noticed a sadness in my countenance. First of all, please allow me to apologize. I am sincerely trying hard to be who I know I am. Second of all, I probably need you all more now than I ever have before.
Someone once told me that I need to be weak so that others can be strong. Let me tell you I haven't felt this weak in a long time! I also haven't felt so alone! Even though I know you are all here for me, this has definitely been a struggle.
I'm not only a humble woman, but very proud and stubborn as well...I know big surprise for some of you. I know God loves me. I know that He lives and He touches my life in so many ways. But I have forgotten how it feels to have love for such a long time. I was fairly content in my life believing that the righteous desires of my heart were probably left for the next life. Then a friend came back into my life telling me the things I wanted to hear...If he knew how we could make it work through the distance, he would make it work...I was a little shocked at this statement because ten months prior to that, he quit talking to me. It was probably for the best because I leaned on the Lord. Then out of the blue, he contacts me and says that...wow...shocked.
After an exchange of him saying many, many things...I know this is right...I can't wait to be with you...I don't want to move too fast, but I don't want to go too slow that we just give up...You are beautiful...I care a lot for you. It went to...we are on different pages...you know what you want and I have no idea...after you left I realized I am not ready to have a relationship with anyone in any way...Oh Lord the pain! The hurt! The tears! The air being pulled out of your lungs! Your heart being twisted and broken into tiny little pieces! Mostly because of trusting again when I was content to just live my life alone.
There hasn't been a day in the last month that I haven't cried. That I haven't beat MYSELF up because he told me that he would catch me this time. I know someone caught me. It wasn't him though. I know angels watch over me and I know they are holding me up right now. I know that this is not a result of something that I did or didn't do. Even though I know that, it doesn't make it hurt any less.
The desires of my heart are very true. I long for a little family of my own. I long to love someone with all my heart and have them love me back. I long to be married in the temple and raise my family to love the Lord, themselves and those around them. I long to be happy. I miss the happy me. He told me that I was fun to be around, that I am hilarious and that I am beautiful. That I don't need a man in my life to feel good about myself. But it took me allowing him to make me feel bad about myself.
Now, I don't want you all to say that he is a bad person. Or that he's stupid. Or any other mean thing. I still hold a place in my heart for this person. I always will. He is a very good man who was not treated well in his previous relationships. I know that is no excuse, but I still care for him with all my heart. And I miss him very very much. I want the best in life for him. I will always be here for him and will defend him. That is just who I am. Remember "I'm not perfect. I never will be. But I am an honest woman who cares about those around me no matter what."
I know this makes no sense whatsoever. But I am just writing down the thoughts that plague my mind and that hurt in my heart. I hope by releasing the pain through writing that I will be able to be the happy me...that this poison will leave me!
His sisters and his mom are my friends. I hold them dear to me as well. I hope you know that I will always care for him and be here for him. I haven't left. Never have. Never will.
When the time is right, I know that the Lord will bless me with my righteous desires. It may not be in this life, it may be in the next. But I know He hasn't forgot about me and has not left me alone.
Thank you friends for letting me release what has been troubling my heart. I hope none of you think less of me for being weak...but I guess it is me calling out saying I need you to be strong for me and continue to hold me up. You are my angels sent from God above. I love you all!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
The Whirl Wind Effect
Life has a funny way of putting us on our backs in order to force us to look up. The last few weeks have been what I am classifying as "the whirl wind effect". People, experiences and love have come and gone in the flash of an eye. I know there are reasons for it, but right now I just want to be mad and angry. I want to cry and get it out of my system. I want answers. I want what I am missing...but I also know there's a purpose...I will explain that more later.
I read a quote on my cousin's FaceBook. It went a little something like this: “I'm strong because I know what it's like to be weak. I keep a guard up, because I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep.” This has been me in a nut shell the last few weeks. I have been riding this emotional roller coaster. Up one day. Down the next. I know we all have our ups and downs, but this was starting to become too much. It was affecting my work. It was affecting my play. It was affecting my spirit.
There are reasons for everything. People come into your life for a reason. I have always believed that when you love someone (or even something), often times you must let that person go in order to grow. Sometimes it isn't about you. Other times it is. If they come back to you, it is fate. There is a lesson to be learned here though too. Sometimes that person can leave. Again. And then what do you call that? Some call it heart ache. Some call it a living hell. To each one of us it will mean something different. I am calling it "the whirl wind effect".
With each twist and turn in the whirl wind, it grows stronger. There's a force that cannot be reckoned with. It tears things apart. It destroys everything in its path. However, as it climbs to the heavens, its path widens and becomes weaker. It is as if it is opening its arms to the heavens and releasing all of its hatred and scorn. It is gone in the flash of an eye.
I will be the first to admit, this is a ride I don't like. It is painful. It is tearing every ounce of my heart out. It is choking the breath out of me. It is making me hateful. It is making me cry. But most of all it is making me an unbeliever. All things I do NOT want to be. But these emotions are real and I need to face them. So here I am facing them...but, remember life has a way of putting us on our back in order to force us to look up...
I lost a "love". I got accepted to school. I lost a friend. I was able to help one out tonight. I lost my soul. God gave it back it me. "The whirl wind effect" has taken a lot of things from me, but in the course of weakening, it allowed me to open up my arms to heaven and let go.
Tonight I am following a good friend's advice..."let go and let God". This time around, I am much stronger than I was before.
I read a quote on my cousin's FaceBook. It went a little something like this: “I'm strong because I know what it's like to be weak. I keep a guard up, because I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep.” This has been me in a nut shell the last few weeks. I have been riding this emotional roller coaster. Up one day. Down the next. I know we all have our ups and downs, but this was starting to become too much. It was affecting my work. It was affecting my play. It was affecting my spirit.
There are reasons for everything. People come into your life for a reason. I have always believed that when you love someone (or even something), often times you must let that person go in order to grow. Sometimes it isn't about you. Other times it is. If they come back to you, it is fate. There is a lesson to be learned here though too. Sometimes that person can leave. Again. And then what do you call that? Some call it heart ache. Some call it a living hell. To each one of us it will mean something different. I am calling it "the whirl wind effect".
With each twist and turn in the whirl wind, it grows stronger. There's a force that cannot be reckoned with. It tears things apart. It destroys everything in its path. However, as it climbs to the heavens, its path widens and becomes weaker. It is as if it is opening its arms to the heavens and releasing all of its hatred and scorn. It is gone in the flash of an eye.
I will be the first to admit, this is a ride I don't like. It is painful. It is tearing every ounce of my heart out. It is choking the breath out of me. It is making me hateful. It is making me cry. But most of all it is making me an unbeliever. All things I do NOT want to be. But these emotions are real and I need to face them. So here I am facing them...but, remember life has a way of putting us on our back in order to force us to look up...
I lost a "love". I got accepted to school. I lost a friend. I was able to help one out tonight. I lost my soul. God gave it back it me. "The whirl wind effect" has taken a lot of things from me, but in the course of weakening, it allowed me to open up my arms to heaven and let go.
Tonight I am following a good friend's advice..."let go and let God". This time around, I am much stronger than I was before.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Champion of the Little Guy
Lately there have been many sleepless nights. Tossing and turning, wondering what life has in store, where I will be in two days, five years or even tomorrow. Essentially losing sleep over things I cannot control. I have worried far too long about what is going to happen tomorrow that the day passes by and I wonder "where did time go?"
Somewhere along the way, I have lost sight of what really matters. Me. And tonight, as I sit here crying (it's been a rollercoaster of a day!) I just came to realize that the little guy is ME. I need to be a champion of ME. I went through such a dark spell in my life that I didn't think I was ever going to be able to get out of it. Until I decided that I was worth something, did I realize, I don't want to be here. I don't mind the dark, it's what in the dark that I don't like.
Today I had an interesting conversation with someone I least expected. A colleague at work who I didn't think gave a flying fig about me. I learned something interesting from him. He told me that even though he wasn't a "good friend" of mine, he truly believed that everyone had an impact in his life and were there for a reason. He had read a post about me wanting to find a part time job. He gave me some pretty sweet advice and I didn't realize he had until I just finished reading my "love me" book.
Now, a lot of you have already asked me about this book. This is what it is. It is a book filled with quotes, concert ticket stubs, movie ticket stubs, thoughts, dreams, compliments from others, etc. Anything that makes you smile. The purpose of this book is that when you have slumps in life, that you read this book to pick yourself up. Then the rollcoaster ride of life isn't so crazy! haha. Instead it is just a little bump in the road, not a pot hole!
He had told me I need to be my biggest fan. As I read some letters in my "love me" book, my sweet friend Brandee had told me the same thing. Hearing it twice in one day means I needed to remember to be a champion of the little guy, ME. Brandee had also told me that she wised that I could see how amazing I am. I do not believe myself to be amazing. Brandee isn't the only one who has told me that I am amazing; my sister does all the time, my BFF's, colleagues, friends, almost everyone I know has told me that I am amazing. Now, I am humble. I do not believe myself to be amazing. I believe I am just doing what I am supposed to do and be the best me I can be. But if I do not believe I am amazing (and not in a conceited way) then I am not being the best me I can be and am selling myself short.
My mirror is broken. My magic wand is broken. I sell myself short all of the time. I am truly an amazing person. I am a God fearing, grateful, humble, kind hearted, loyal, diligent, beautiful, sincere, amazing person. You have no idea how hard that was to type. Sometimes I have to be weak so that others can be strong. If you know me at all that is very difficult. But friends, I am weak, I just don't ever show it.
Please don't ever think that I am not grateful for you. I know when you offer me help it is because you need to be strong and I am selfish and cannot be weak. I will try to be better at being more humble and allowing the goodness to flow into my heart instead of being so stubborn. I will give you the opportunity to be a strength for me instead of me being the strength all of the time.
I am blessed to be here on the earth at this time and have the friends that I have. I am grateful for each and everyone. I am most of all thankful for my family who loves me without condition. My cup runneth over.
My words to you now are be a champion of the little guy, YOU. Love you. Take care of YOU. Only then will you be able to take care of those around you. Remember this always "You are a ten. You were born a ten. You will die a ten. And regardless of thoughts of yourself or others, you are still a ten." My beautiful friends, you are a ten! And I love you. Here's to the champions! God Bless.
Somewhere along the way, I have lost sight of what really matters. Me. And tonight, as I sit here crying (it's been a rollercoaster of a day!) I just came to realize that the little guy is ME. I need to be a champion of ME. I went through such a dark spell in my life that I didn't think I was ever going to be able to get out of it. Until I decided that I was worth something, did I realize, I don't want to be here. I don't mind the dark, it's what in the dark that I don't like.
Today I had an interesting conversation with someone I least expected. A colleague at work who I didn't think gave a flying fig about me. I learned something interesting from him. He told me that even though he wasn't a "good friend" of mine, he truly believed that everyone had an impact in his life and were there for a reason. He had read a post about me wanting to find a part time job. He gave me some pretty sweet advice and I didn't realize he had until I just finished reading my "love me" book.
Now, a lot of you have already asked me about this book. This is what it is. It is a book filled with quotes, concert ticket stubs, movie ticket stubs, thoughts, dreams, compliments from others, etc. Anything that makes you smile. The purpose of this book is that when you have slumps in life, that you read this book to pick yourself up. Then the rollcoaster ride of life isn't so crazy! haha. Instead it is just a little bump in the road, not a pot hole!
He had told me I need to be my biggest fan. As I read some letters in my "love me" book, my sweet friend Brandee had told me the same thing. Hearing it twice in one day means I needed to remember to be a champion of the little guy, ME. Brandee had also told me that she wised that I could see how amazing I am. I do not believe myself to be amazing. Brandee isn't the only one who has told me that I am amazing; my sister does all the time, my BFF's, colleagues, friends, almost everyone I know has told me that I am amazing. Now, I am humble. I do not believe myself to be amazing. I believe I am just doing what I am supposed to do and be the best me I can be. But if I do not believe I am amazing (and not in a conceited way) then I am not being the best me I can be and am selling myself short.
My mirror is broken. My magic wand is broken. I sell myself short all of the time. I am truly an amazing person. I am a God fearing, grateful, humble, kind hearted, loyal, diligent, beautiful, sincere, amazing person. You have no idea how hard that was to type. Sometimes I have to be weak so that others can be strong. If you know me at all that is very difficult. But friends, I am weak, I just don't ever show it.
Please don't ever think that I am not grateful for you. I know when you offer me help it is because you need to be strong and I am selfish and cannot be weak. I will try to be better at being more humble and allowing the goodness to flow into my heart instead of being so stubborn. I will give you the opportunity to be a strength for me instead of me being the strength all of the time.
I am blessed to be here on the earth at this time and have the friends that I have. I am grateful for each and everyone. I am most of all thankful for my family who loves me without condition. My cup runneth over.
My words to you now are be a champion of the little guy, YOU. Love you. Take care of YOU. Only then will you be able to take care of those around you. Remember this always "You are a ten. You were born a ten. You will die a ten. And regardless of thoughts of yourself or others, you are still a ten." My beautiful friends, you are a ten! And I love you. Here's to the champions! God Bless.
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