The Whirl Wind Effect

Life has a funny way of putting us on our backs in order to force us to look up. The last few weeks have been what I am classifying as "the whirl wind effect". People, experiences and love have come and gone in the flash of an eye. I know there are reasons for it, but right now I just want to be mad and angry. I want to cry and get it out of my system. I want answers. I want what I am missing...but I also know there's a purpose...I will explain that more later.

I read a quote on my cousin's FaceBook. It went a little something like this: “I'm strong because I know what it's like to be weak. I keep a guard up, because I know what it's like to cry myself to sleep.” This has been me in a nut shell the last few weeks. I have been riding this emotional roller coaster. Up one day. Down the next. I know we all have our ups and downs, but this was starting to become too much. It was affecting my work. It was affecting my play. It was affecting my spirit.

There are reasons for everything. People come into your life for a reason. I have always believed that when you love someone (or even something), often times you must let that person go in order to grow. Sometimes it isn't about you. Other times it is. If they come back to you, it is fate. There is a lesson to be learned here though too. Sometimes that person can leave. Again. And then what do you call that? Some call it heart ache. Some call it a living hell. To each one of us it will mean something different. I am calling it "the whirl wind effect".

With each twist and turn in the whirl wind, it grows stronger. There's a force that cannot be reckoned with. It tears things apart. It destroys everything in its path. However, as it climbs to the heavens, its path widens and becomes weaker. It is as if it is opening its arms to the heavens and releasing all of its hatred and scorn. It is gone in the flash of an eye.

I will be the first to admit, this is a ride I don't like. It is painful. It is tearing every ounce of my heart out. It is choking the breath out of me. It is making me hateful. It is making me cry. But most of all it is making me an unbeliever. All things I do NOT want to be. But these emotions are real and I need to face them. So here I am facing them...but, remember life has a way of putting us on our back in order to force us to look up...

I lost a "love". I got accepted to school. I lost a friend. I was able to help one out tonight. I lost my soul. God gave it back it me. "The whirl wind effect" has taken a lot of things from me, but in the course of weakening, it allowed me to open up my arms to heaven and let go.

Tonight I am following a good friend's advice..."let go and let God". This time around, I am much stronger than I was before.