Lately I have been questioning the term faith. On Facebook, I asked you, my friends, what faith meant to you.
One response I received was "Faith is a principle of action". Greg
Another few said that "faith was make believe, nothing more than a false security blanket for the weak to fall on". John/Aaron
"Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the evident demonstartion of realities though not beheld". Corry
"Fatih is when you close your eyes and open your heart". Liza
"Faith gave me strength". Sandy
"Faith is knowing something without tangible proof". Tasha
"Faith is trust". Brittany
So many different meanings of faith to so many of you. This made me come to the realization that faith is something very personal to each one of us. I decided to see what dictionary.com gave as a definition of faith. Here is what I found:
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing
2. belief that is not based on proof
3. belief in god or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.
5. a system of religious belief
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.
8. Christian Theology . the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.
Long story short; even dictionary.com cannot come up with ONE single definition of faith.
Today I believe that I practiced faith. Or what I feel faith might be. Before I tell my story, let me give you my definition of faith.
Faith to Chaz means: believing in something not seen; knowing in your heart that it is true; having a feeling of overwhelming peace as you make a decision; putting all of your trust in the Lord; having confidence in yourself to do the right thing.
Each of you helped me realize what faith is to me. Faith gives you hope, which in turn gives you patience.
Here is how today played out: I went to see Dr. McCowin. I have been having a lot of overwhelming pain ever since my core procedure was done in June. I thought that things would get feeling better and to no avail they only have become worse. I have just lived with the pain, but as of late, it has taken a toll on my spirit. I have been depressed, sad, lonely, and stressed. I have made a lot of changes in my life to only feel this weight of dispair hang over me. The pain has made me not only physically irritable, but emotionally I am a wreck and mentally, I have all but given up. Dr. McCowin has been conservative with my therapy because he has wanted to avoid an additional surgery. Today was D-Day. It was determined that an MRI will be needed on the left knee to see if i have torn my meniscus. Mind you the left knee is the "good knee". I have been overcompensating so much we fear we may have damaged it as well. Surgery will most definitely be needed on the right knee. He will realign the knee cap by doing a Maquet Procedure. It will be performed in March.
I drove to work and called Mom. She was very patient and very understanding and so upbeat and positive. Really what I needed from my mommy at the time :) thanks Mom. There was fog so I had my lights on. I went about my day, trying to not think of it. Hard not to when you are trying to get your assignments completed, let your boss know about the near future (and after experiencing this just in June trying to make sure he doesn't freak out ), and just make it through the day without crying. Hard to do when you talk to Shelley and she's so wonderful and positive and upbeat and is really what I needed from my Shelley at the time :) thanks Shelley. Talking to Mom again who says we will figure this all out when the time comes. Who are you and what did you do with my Mom?! Thanks Mom! :)
Well I made it through work (sigh of relief). I go out to my car and use my keyless remote and my car won't unlock. HMmm...weird. Oh SNAP!!! Guess who left the lights on on their car?! Yes, you guessed it, ME!!! From about 951am to 509pm my lights were on. Talk about dead battery! Thank everything good and holy we have a GREAT maintenance and security staff who came to the rescue...thank you Dave :). I go to Wal-Mart to pick up a prescription from Dr. McCowin and pick up some girlie items (yes, she had to come this week too) and Wal-Mart no longer carries my brand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did get to see Cathy, who is struggling through her own hell medically. She is so positive and has FAITH that her Dr will find out what is wrong. She is truly an inspiration to me...I have a lot to be grateful...keep Cathy in your prayers friends.
All day, I have batted 50/50. Something that I didn't realize until I got home, is that I have had an enormous amount of patience all day long. Let me repeat that, I have had an enormous amount of patience all day long. Guess what?! I think I am finally figuring this all out.
All along, I have had faith. I just needed to close my eyes and open my heart and believe in myself. I had to find my inner strength and not let other's actions rule my world. I am captain of my soul. Master of my domain.
Faith knocked at the door, fear was shoved aside, and I, I was there to answer it!
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